We all have them, those hidden places in the heart, or in the mind. Our own secret fantasies of being the most popular kid in school, the homecoming queen, the Valentine Princess. For the guys, who doesn’t want to be the star quarterback, the hottest guy in school, the one who always has the prettiest girl on his arm?
These are relatively harmless dreams, mostly unfulfilled but it’s nice to dream, right?
I had a fantasy about being able to sit down at the piano and be a famous concert pianist. Or maybe a #1 bestseller novelist. And of course, I wanted to be married and have the ideal Father-Knows-Best kind of family 🙂
I still have some hidden secrets, things that even Terry doesn’t know. And I’m not telling anyone what they are–no, not even you!
Are you as surprised as I have been at how easy it is to spill private things into blog posts? I mean, I’ve never told you anything that would embarrass my family or make you–or me–blush; I have, however, shared some things over the four years I’ve been doing this that I don’t usually discuss. Is it the anonymity we find behind our computer screens? I don’t know.
Did you ever have a crush that you kept hidden? Like, for an entire school year? And every time your crush said “Hi!” you thought, “Oh, maybe this is it! Maybe now he/she will notice me.” And every day, you make up scenes of accidentally bumping into your crush, spilling your books all over, just like they do in the romance movies. Your crush may always be friendly, but the day you see that person walking off with someone else and you know all hope is gone, you just want to go somewhere and cry and eat chocolate.
These secrets are normal and harmless, most of the time. Sometimes, though, the hidden things reveal themselves in horror and tragedy. I’m thinking of Columbine, and many other situations in which the shooters have felt they were bullied, ignored, disliked. I don’t believe there is ever an excuse to terrorize a school full of children, or to take lives because you’re hurt and angry. There have been plenty of times in the course of my life when I’ve been bullied, teased beyond endurance, misunderstood, misquoted, misrepresented. I had terrible acne starting when I was only 10, and I believed for a long time that the only thing other people saw was my collection of zits. Good grief, I even had a big old volcano erupt on my chin on my wedding day! But notice–it was my wedding day 🙂 I have certainly lived happily ever after, for the most part. And still, there are secrets, hidden thoughts, desires, dreams.
I recently turned 70, and I’m here to tell you that age may change the direction of your hidden secrets, but you’ll still have them. Wisdom is knowing when not to share them. Lots of people tell me things in my counseling office that they say they’ve never told anyone else, ever. I’m glad they feel safe with me, and I promise you I’ve never revealed any of those secrets, ever.
So relax, if you’re worried about your hidden dreams. You’re normal. No, really! Everyone has them. Not everyone achieves all of their dreams, but most of us get to realize one or two over the course of our lives. It’s enough.