Ragtag Tuesday: Past
Middle English: variant of passed, past participle of pass.
I have many more years behind me than I have ahead of me. That’s just fine. I don’t wish I could go back and live anything over again. Well, that’s not entirely true. There are things I’ve said and done that still make me cringe. If there were a big eraser for life, I’d like to rub those things out of my memory, and maybe out of the memories of people I may have hurt along the way.
Mostly, however, my memories of the past are positive. I had good, imperfect parents. All parents are imperfect. Everyone has them. Part of growing up is learning to forgive them and let go of hurt, anger, and bitterness. Of course, if you had the misfortune of dealing with abusive parents, or addicts to whatever substance, or unfaithful parents, then that’s a whole different story. Let me say here that one though I offer to clients with dysfunctional parents is to realize that it isn’t fair to ask them to give you something they’ve never owned. Look into their own childhoods, and you will likely see a similar pattern of dysfunction in their own parents’ lives. They couldn’t give you what you needed/wanted because they never got it.
Anyway. I have good memories of church, Sunday school, Vacation Bible School in the summers. Good memories of school. The only thing I disliked in school was gym class. I gave it my best effort, but I’m just not an athlete. I always though it was SO unfair that gym class sometimes kept me off the “A” honor roll. I was delighted to learn that I didn’t have to take gym any more during my junior and senior years,
I loved going to see relatives; the long car drives could become tedious, but the end result made them worthwhile. I had loving grandparents, aunts and uncles; we rarely saw them, so there wasn’t a close relationship with cousins. We enjoyed being together, but never had the kind of closeness that cousins have when they grow up together.
Dating was fun, but I don’t miss it. We’re counting down the months to our 50th anniversary in June of 2019. Now, that’s something to crow about 🙂 Almost 50 years, three sons and a daughter, nine grandchildren (six boys, three girls).
Are all my memories of the childrearing years warm and fuzzy? No. I’m like my own parents–imperfect. In hindsight, I would do some things differently. But in spite of our errors, they’ve all turned out quite well and besides, they’ve given us nine grandkids. What’s not to love?
Wife, Mom, schoolteacher, therapist. Those are the careers I’ve had in my 71 years. I’m working on the next one, have been for some time. I have a book percolating away in my head, about half of it transferred to my computer. Will I ever finish it?
I certainly hope so.
Age has taken its toll on both Terry and me. We move slower. We forget stuff, like where we were fifteen minutes ago. Pain has become a constant. Our physical bodies have changed. We don’t have the strength and agility it would require to parent little kids. That’s why God gives them to us while we’re young–we’ve got the spizzerinktum in our 20’s that has declined a LOT in our 70’s.
Wouldn’t I like to go back to some point in my past? No. I really wouldn’t. I’m quite happy and content where I am right now, and I hope to still feel that way if the Lord gives me another 20 years, or maybe just one more. The past is gone. The future is not promised. Enjoy the day, because it’s only today that you can control to some extent.
I do not want to relive the past.