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Leah knew her grieving would never be over.  It didn’t matter what people said, and some of what they said was just stupid.

“Don’t worry, you’ll have another baby,”

“Well, there must have been something wrong with it.  It’s better off in heaven.”

“It’s not as if you knew the child. Think how hard it is when a real baby that you held and loved suddenly dies.”

It’s been six months, Leah. You need to put it behind you now and move on.”

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Leah wanted to shout at all of them, with their cold and useless “comfort.”  They insisted on her acceptance of the miscarriage. They wanted her to be normal again, because her grief made them uncomfortable.

Finally she went to see a counselor. The counselor listened quietly as Leah told the whole story. There were tears in the counselor’s eyes when Leah finished, sobbing into a tissue she’d grabbed from the box beside her.

“Leah, I am so sorry.  What you’re experiencing is normal, and it takes time to adjust and accept such a loss.”  She went on to talk about stages of grief. She acknowledged that “the miscarriage” was not a thing, but a child. Her words brought some comfort and healing to Leah’s battered heart. Finally, someone seemed to understand.

Two years later, Leah brought her newborn baby to the office to show off to the staff. She glowed with happiness, but the counselor could see the shadows lingering in her eyes.

It was normal.


5 thoughts on “Grieving

  1. How true this story! Seems there are two stages of acceptance here: the mourner must accept the incident and the loss it is to their life, both present & future; they face and must accept the reactions of well-meaning friends.

    As you show in your story, some “comforters” just don’t get it and some are too self-centered to enter into anyone else’s pain. Others may get how we feel, but fear inflicting more pain so they avoid us or talking about our loss. Others try to help us “get over it” by comparison or comfort. They’re not going to see us fall into the ditch of self pity or cater to “Oh poor me” complaints.

    Sad to say, I’ve made all the mistakes above at one point or other. 😦

    But no one else is a mind-reader, either. Too often we hope people will understand our feelings without us voicing our sorrow, then we’re hurt when they don’t. God bless kind, honest counselors! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My goodness, how this mirrors my practice as a psychologist! A client lost a baby to miscarriage. It was understandably traumatic and we worked on it for many months. Then one day she told me she was pregnant again. And a few months later, during her session, her water broke, right there in my office! We called her husband and waited for him to arrive in Manhattan from the suburbs, and off they went. She has two handsome boys now, and all is well. Appropriate grieving must be given time to run its course. The rude things people say are really to make themselves feel better.

    Liked by 1 person

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