Marriage Counseling

Assumption

Write a new post in response to today’s one-word prompt. 

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This is a word that takes me right to the marriage counseling I often do in my office.

 

Image result for counseling an angry couple

 

To assume anything, in this context,  is to believe, not always with a factual basis, that another person thinks, feels, or reacts negatively toward you because he haves nefarious motives.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard one spouse say to another, “No, that’s not true!”  “No, that’s a lie!” “That is NOT what happened!” and so on. The assumption is always there that the other person  has negative motives, and is trying to win at all costs.

Sometimes she is.

However, both individuals are equally frustrated, equally angry, equally quick to assume the worst of the other.

I often wonder how that happens to two people who profess to love each other.  Does it start before “I do”?  Or does it come along with the very first disagreement, and just slowly escalate into such venomous behavior?  There is a point at which so much anger and hatred have developed that I don’t know if there’s any hope.

Many times, I point out to a couple that if one person always has to be right, then the other always has to be wrong. That’s a really terrible imbalance of power, and the “wrong” person is going to become bitter, hopeless, and angry.  That person will eventually leave the relationship, emotionally if not in physical reality. There are more couples than you would believe who share a house, but nothing else.

Assumption is a dangerous thing.  It is NEVER true that you know what someone else is thinking. When you assume that you do, you’re making it impossible for that other person to convince you that he/she doesn’t actually have those thoughts at all.

Very rarely do I believe that divorce is the best option. If the one who always has to win, though, refuses to leave that position, there really is no hope.

I hate that.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/assumption/

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6 thoughts on “Marriage Counseling

  1. So true! Often I’ve made assumptions (usually of disapproval) based on a grunt or a mumble. Later I found out hubby didn’t disapprove of the plan at all. Often he disagreed with the way I was wording it. 🙂
    Which makes me think again of my cousin, who just about broke up with her boyfriend. (She did later, but on this occasion I was able to save the relationship.)
    “He said last night that we’ve been going together for a year and a half now and that’s not true! Why is he lying to me? I figured it out myself and we’ve only been going together for eighteen months. I can’t understand why he’d lie about it!” 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think it has something to do with whether or not you feel you are liked and accepted by your partner for who you are rather than for who they assumed you were before the wedding. My first husband kept trying to force this round peg into a too-small square hole. So every disagreement felt like rejection, like I wasn’t allowed to be me.

    The hub I have now likes me just as I am, therefore disagreements are just disagreements – no big deal – we may not agree (which is pretty rare) but we still like one another.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, you’re right about that. I don’t remember exactly what I wrote on this topic several days ago–we’re in South Dakota, and I’m just not catching up a bit here. Seems I was talking about communication, though, and clearly your ex was not hearing you. From your previous mentions of him, there was really no hope that he ever would. Seems he was a man who expected everyone to adapt to his own expectation, and was not open to any other option. I’m so glad you have a man now who loves YOU, not the person he wanted you to become 🙂

      Like

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