A Meeting

On By granonineIn Friday Fictioneers, Word Press Challenges, Zing and Zang Stories

PHOTO PROMPT © Fatima Fakier Deria

Zing and Zang perched on the edges of the white garden chairs. Every fiber of their bodies was on alert. They had switched to invisible mode, and so had the third person they both watched with curiosity and fear.

Peony was relaxed in a chair across the table from them.  She, too, was invisible. She smiled, understanding their fear. They had known that they would be watched, for their own protection. They hadn’t known that the little girl who flitted in and out of their sight would be a watcher.

This would take some time.

Advertisement

66 thoughts on “A Meeting”

    1. Hmmm. Hadn’t considered that POV thing 🙂 Actually, I think maybe it qualifies for a third person point of view–the all-knowing narrator who knows what each character is thinking. Examples:

      First person: We were afraid. We didn’t understand who this little girl really was.

      Second person: You seem fearful of me. There is no cause for fear.

      Third person: well, I think that’s what this is. Third person narration which gives the narrator all the info, and entree into each character’s mind.

      I always appreciate good input. Thanks, Neil.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Just to jump into the fray, the only thing I could see is the phrase: “She smiled, understanding their fear.” This leaps into Peony’s head. This is called “head hopping.” It’s neither right nor wrong, just a matter of personal preference. If it doesn’t stand out and if your readers (most of them) don’t object, there’s not issue.
        Frankly, I don’t see where it affects the story at all. IMHO 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  14. Hope they work it out soon!

    Interesting to read over these POV comments. For what it’s worth, I took it how you intended. It’s rare these days to take the approach of an omniscient narrator. It can be tricky to do and some people aren’t crazy about it. But I think how you separated it into two paragraphs kept it clear for me. (Says the woman who once wrote a book with three alternating POVs) 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Ha! Well, I never thought about that. . . .Peony is definitely more experienced. I have tended to make Zing and Zang a bit naive, cautious, but not stupid. They aren’t there for any malicious purpose, so I’ve had a little fun developing them as somewhat childlike.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  22. I definitely can’t see them sitting there! I’m starting to get a bad feeling about Peony. She seems to be worrying Zing and Zang but not telling them what’s up. I hope it will all end well.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      2. I’ve been more than a bit surprised by the overwhelming positive response since I first wrote about Zing and Zang. I had no plan then to make it a continuing series, but it sure has been fuan 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s