Do you Believe in Magic?
You have been transformed into a mystical being who has the ability to do magic. Describe your new abilities in detail. How will you use your new skills?
Please follow me into the Land of Make-Believe, where I have the power to fulfill your every wish. Of course, I’m a selfish magician, so I’m going to fulfill my own wishes first. After that, if there’s anything I haven’t covered that appeals to you, you can put in a request. If I’m not worn out, I’ll see what I can do.
First? Every adult under five feet tall magically gets three to four inches added to his height. Her height.
Second: I’m magically going to elminate all the politically correct silliness that requires us to use “his or her” when everyone knows that the masculine pronoun represents both sexes. Please. It’s just such a pain.
Third: Everyone is going to automagically understand pronouns and antecedents, so that my first magical miracle, as stated, will be clear. That is, “every” is a singular pronoun, requiring a singular pronoun to replace it. Thus, “his.” Not “their.”
One of the funniest ads I ever heard on TV years ago was an ad for some type of facial tissue. The voiceover said, “Everyone needs to blow their nose.” I got this picture of thousand of people all sharing the same nose, and taking turns blowing it. See, “everyone” is a singular pronoun. Needs a singular pronoun to replace it. To make the sentence correct, it should have been, “We all need to blow our noses,” or even “Everyone needs to blow his nose.”
How on earth did this devolve into a grammar lesson?
Ok. Fourth. Anyone who wants to weigh less will be able to pick the size wanted, and it will magically happen.
Fifth. New wardrobes for all thinner people magically appear.
Sixth. All skin conditions that plague us will be instantly cured. No more acne. No more greasy oily skin. No more painfully dry skin, eczema, psoriasis, dandruff, scaly patches or any other unpleasant skin problems. Gone. Poof.
Seventh. Carbohydrates will never need to be counted again. All excess sugar will magically be cleansed from the body.
Eighth. Herniated discs will be magically cured, along with stenosis, degenerative disc disease, and all other related spinal woes.
Ninth. Exercise will become the highlight of the day.
Tenth. A cooking/shopping/cleaning robot will be magically provided for everyone who wants one. (Who wouldn’t?)
There’s my top ten.
Ta-ta from the Land of Make-Believe 🙂