Think of something that truly repulses you. Hold that thought until your skin squirms. Now, write a glowing puff piece about its amazing merits.
I cannot and will not think about snakes on purpose, and to write a glowing puff piece about them would give me nightmares for the rest of my life. So that’s out.
Mammograms? Nah. It’s been done. So have colonoscopies. Besided, they don’t make my skin crawl.
Centipedes do. A puff piece on the amazing merits of centipedes? Hmmmm. They eat spiders. That’s all I can think of.
I’m stuck. There are very few things that actually make my skin crawl that are fit topics for this post. Pedophiles make my skin crawl, and I seriously can’t think of anything good to say about their amazing merits.
See, the stuff that makes my skin crawl? Those things are just evil and ugly and wrong! I can’t wrap my mind around finding even something fictionally good to say about them.
The only thing I truly dreaded having to clean up when my kids were small was vomit. I had to hold my breath and just DO IT. So maybe I can think of something glowing to say about the amazing merits of hurling.
It cleans the gunk out of your belly.
It makes you feel better once it’s over.
It tells you there may be something more going on.
It shows you how much your mommy really cares about you, because she doesn’t set you outside until your insides settle down. She takes your temperature, feels your forehead (I used to wonder why my mom felt my forehead when I threw up when it was clearly my tummy that was under siege) and lets you have gingerale and crackers.
You get to stay in your jammies if you’re really and truly sick, and you get to sleep all day and you don’t have to eat anything you don’t like.
Of course, the downside to all this is nausea, pain, and the wretched act of throwing up.
And now that I’ve improved your day, I hope you all have a lovely one. The humungous blizzard we were supposed to get mostly swept out to sea. Some of the New England states got more of it than we did. The decision to close our office today was made yesterday when it looked as if we were right in the path of the storm, but we got only a couple of inches. The street in front of our house is already clear. So I have a lovely day off.
And that’s all.