I Just Don’t Care!

“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.” — Sylvia Plath

***********************

“Why am I expected to always put everyone else first, before myself?  Why doesn’t anyone care about how feel?  Why can’t I have the right to feel what I want to feel, to have my own thoughts and actions and reactions?  Why is everyone always angry with me just because I say what I think?  I’m trying to learn to be more assertive, not to let people walk all over me, but all it gets me is hateful reactions.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what, Sally?  How am I looking at you?”

“I don’t know, it just feels like you’re attacking me, like you’re being sarcastic.”

“I’m doing all that with a look?  Can you describe my look?”

“Why should I have to describe it?  You know what you’re looking at me like!  Why do you always want me to figure out what’s going on?  You’re the therapist, you’re supposed to help me! You’re supposed to tell me I’m right, and help me feel better about myself! I want you to be on my side, but you always defend everyone else!”

“Tell me what you want, Sally.”

“What do I want?  I want you to do your job!  Therapists are like machines.  I put in a coin, you say all the right things to make me feel better.  You haven’t done your job yet, and I’ve been coming here for weeks now.  All you’ve done is, you know, what you keep saying–trying to help me THINK differently.  I HATE that!  I don’t WANT to think differently!  I want other people to understand me and accept me for who I am, and I don’t want you to tell me I have to change my thinking!”

“Okay.  Tell me what you do want from me. Do you want me to just sit and listen, and not make any comment?  Do you want me to nod my head in agreement with everything you say?  Do you want me to tell you you’re right about everything, and everyone else is wrong?  Tell me exactly what you want.”

“I want you to do your job!  Don’t you know what your job is?  You’re the one with all the degrees and fancy letters after your name. I think you’re just stupid!  I think you don’t know how to deal with someone who’s smarter than you are, so you can’t think of the right things to say to me!”

“What are the right things, Sally?  Seems to me that whatever I say ends up being the wrong—“

“See, there you go again!  You interrupted me when I was still trying to answer you, and you didn’t let me finish!”

“Okay, Tell me what you want.  Tell me when you’ve finished talking, so I know when I can respond.”

“That’s not the way conversation is supposed to go.  You should know when I’m finished.!”

“Well, I thought you were. You had stopped–“

“But that’s the way I TALK!  I have to think, and then I talk more.  EVERYONE does that!  Look, I just want people to let me be myself, and that’s all I’m asking.  Is that too much too ask?  I just want everyone to accept me and approve of me for who I am, and quit trying to change me!  If people can’t do that, then I wish they’d all just leave me alone, including you!  If you can’t take me as I am, if I can’t have the love and approval I need from everyone without changing my thinking, then I just don’t care.  I don’t care at all.  I’ll just go home and live my life without you or anyone else, and I’ll be just fine.”

“Can I talk now, Sally?  Are you finished?”

“YES!  This is the dumbest conversation I’ve ever been in!  It’s just like the one I had with my husband last night!  He won’t just accept me either, and I’m sick of it.  I’m really sick of it.  All I want is love and approval, and if I can’t get it, then I just don’t care.  Is this session over?  You sure didn’t earn your money today.  I don’t think I should have to pay you, but I suppose I can’t get away with that. Anyway, I’ll be back in two days, and if you can’t think of some way to help me get what I want, then I just don’t care.”

“You don’t have to come back, Sally, if you really don’t think I’m doing my job, and if you really don’t care.”

“What?  Of course I’ll be back!  If I can’t talk to you, then I don’t have anyone at all!”

 https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/all-or-nothing/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/all-or-nothing/

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “I Just Don’t Care!

  1. Linda, it sounds like Sally needs to hit bottom first before she can see the light. And when she does hit bottom, I think she’d benefit from reading the book, Love and Respect. I feel sorry for her husband.
    Good writing. You drew me right in.

    Blessings ~ Wendy ❀

    1. Yes, it’s true for us as well. That concept, however, did not make a good impression on this particular young woman. He’s supposed to always put her first, but there’s no vice versa there. It’s very sad.

      1. Please pray that He will use me; that I will have the compassion I need to reach her. It is only the Holy Spirit Who can soften her heart. My words are empty without His power.

      2. You are so right, and I am asking God right now to use you, to fill you with all the compassion, patience, love and insight you need, and to soften her heart.

        I can relate to her a little bit – I wasn’t a pistol like she seems to be, but I do remember just wanting to be accepted (in my first marriage).

        I felt rejected by my mom as a child. But since you can’t choose your parents, and they can’t choose you, I made the best of it. But a husband does choose his wife. So I went into the marriage thinking, “Okay, he chose me so that means he wants me/likes me. But then he and his mom kept trying to change me. And I felt rejected all over again. And since I was no longer a helpless child, it just made me mad. And it made me twist myself into a pretzel trying to please him. But he wouldn’t be pleased. I finally realized that the problem wasn’t that I was unloveable, the problem was that he was unable to love (me anyway).

        A wise friend once said, “When you love someone they can do no wrong and when you don’t love them they can do no right.”

        I don’t know if any of this applies to her, but I just wonder if she feels rejected. But like I said, she sounds like a pistol…

      3. Actually, her husband has gone far more than the second mile. He’s just about reached his stopping point. It really does seem to have to be all her way, all the time. Thanks for the prayer. I’m seeing her today and it’s going to be a difficult session.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s