You wake up one day and realize you’re ten years older than you were the previous night. Beyond the initial shock, how does this development change your life plans?
Ooooohhh. That alarm gets louder every single morning. Man. I must have slept in one position too long. I can barely reach the clock to shut the STUPID thing off! There. That’s better.
First stop, bathroom. Feet into slippers, Yikes. Hadn’t realized my toenails were getting so long and that icky yellow color. All right, up off the bed, robe, glasses, and away we go. Shuffle of to Buffalo, as someone said somewhere in the foggy distant past.
Light switch. Umph. When did it get so hard to flip the light switch?
Yeaaagh!! Where did that old woman come from? Who’s in my house? Hey! How did you ge–wait, what? That’s my mirror! That’s ME! No, it’s my mom. . . no, no. She’s gone. It IS me! What’s going on here? Good grief, my hair’s as white as snow! Those lines I could barely see yesterday? Grooves today! I mean, ruts! Trenches! And look at my jowls. Or don’t. Not pretty.
What. . . did someone come into my room last night and make me up to look ten years older than I am? Where did those hairs on my chin come from? They’re two inches long! Even my eyebrows are white. And look at my hands! All swollen up, knuckles bigger than they were yesterday. . . this really isn’t funny. At all.
Okay, let’s just stop and think a minute. Touch my face. No makeup, no mask, no gunk. Skin. Old skin. Age spots. Neck sag. Skin tags. Eye bags. Oy. Now I’m a poet?
Well, whatever this is, maybe it will go away over the course of the day. I need to get dressed, get my coffee, get to work. Several people to see in the office today.
So. Had a little trouble getting dressed. Suddenly my clothes are a little bigger than they were yesterday. Overnight weight loss? If I could package that and sell it, I could retire! Huh. Cars all around me that I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. And I could swear I could see over this steering wheel yesterday! What on earth is going on here. . . .
Okay, ready to turn in to the parking lot. Hope that speedy Gonzales behind me doesn’t end up climbing my trunk! Why is he honking at me? I slowed down, I signalled—Hey! Where’s the driveway? Where’s the parking lot? Where’s the BUILDING?
Okay, I think my heart rate is back to normal now, but this is freaky! My office is gone! There’s nothing there but grass and weeds and a “For Sale” sign! In fact, everything around here looks different. Wait. There’s the diner. I’ll go in and see if I can figure out what’s going on. They sell newspapers in there.
Nah. Nope. Can’t be. Someone is playing a huge trick on me. Not possible. The date on this paper says August 11, 2024! That’s ten years in the future! Wait. I don’t recognize any of the people in here, and they don’t know me, either. After all the years I’ve come here. . .
Well. I’ve thought and thought, and the only thing I can think is that somehow I’ve lost ten years of my life. Scares the daylights out of me. I don’t know how this could happen. Did I slip into a coma? Do I have Alzheimer’s? Am I REALLY 77 instead of 67?
Hey? You know what? If this is true, then–then–I can RETIRE! After all, my office doesn’t exist. I have no place to go to work, so I guess that means I HAVE retired! Wow! I suddenly feel a spurt of energy I haven’t experienced since I was a kid of 60!
I’m going back home. I’m going to get my finances all tidied up, and then I’m going to call Jillian and see if she’s still up for a trip to the Bahamas. Let’s see. Clothes. I’ll need some clothes. And I’ll need to arange for someone to watch the house and cut the grass and take in my mail. . .
Look out world! Here I come!