Can’t Stand Me
What do you find more unbearable: watching a video of yourself, or listening to a recording of your voice? Why?
I watched the video in absolute disbelief. See, over the years I’ve trained my eyes to see me as I wish I were, not as I am. The video playing so heartlessly before me was bringing all my years of denial crashing around my feet.
No denying what is on the screen. No denying what is on the scale. No denying the size tags on the clothes in my closet. Well, on the clothes I can presently wear, at least. I have several wardrobes that I’m going to get back into. Someday.
I hate seeing pictures of myself. I’m always twice as wide as I should be, and cameras add ten pound. So they say, whoever “they” is.
Making jokes about my size is one of the ways I deal with it, but don’t ever believe that old “fat and happy” nonsense. No one is happy about being fat. I’m happy about a lot of things in my life, but fat is not one of them.
The good news is, I’m making just a little progress right now. I’ve learned, over the years, not to talk about it if I’m making a serious effort to lose weight. Seems as if I no sooner say it, than it comes to a screeching halt. So I’m really taking a chance here today, folks.
The thing is, my numbers were ALL too high on my last doctor visit a couple of months ago, including my A1C, which got me started on taking Metformin, Diabetes is a really nasty way to die. I don’t want to go there, and I don’t want to take pills, so I HAVE to get back on track with eating and exercise, and I am. For now.